Do I care what people on this site think of me? No, not really. I mean. This place is as bad as it gets. But in my life? With my friends and family, and with other communities I'm in? I'm positively terrified by leaving a bad impression or being excluded or knowing someone hates me or thinking someone hates me. It gets to the point where my anxiety is so overwhelming that I start to develop psychosomatic responses in the form of my heart literally hurting(A lot), loss of vision, shakier breathing, uncontrollable trembling. That kind of stuff. I've had to leave in the middle of college classes before. Which is. Frightfully embarrassing and only makes it worse later.
And I realize how stupid it is, but there's a disconnect between my emotions and my thoughts and I really haven't been able to mend it. It uh. It sucks. A lot.
Well I don't think everything exists. But maybe I'm crazy. Actually probably that. Also just because things exist doesn't mean they were created. And also, just because everything was created, doesn't mean there is a creator. And also again, just because there's a creator doesn't mean the creator is intelligent, let alone omnipotent, omnipresent, etc.
It's like. You see a guy on the street eating a banana and you go:
1) There is a guy eating a banana.
2) It was purchased.
3) There must be a banana stand nearby.
Seems logical enough, but what if the dude has a banana tree or something like that? Or hey, what if he got it from a supermarket and there -isn't- a banana stand nearby?
I know, I know, comparing gods to bananas. Still.
Eh, fuck it. We already share the load for our roads, our protection, and our schools. Why not give the ladies something to keep them from getting pregnant and flooding the world with unwanted children? Well. There's abortion, but everyone hates that too.