In a country where homosexuality was classified as a mental illness until quite recently, gays and lesbians are finding novel ways to “act straight.”

Xiaojiong has the ultimate online dating success story. On a Chinese matchmaking forum, she not only found her current husband—she found her current girlfriend, too.

The Internet has changed everything. Isolated gays and lesbians are now able to socialize with others all over the country and find people in their hometowns who are also living in the closet—creating real-life friendships and communities.  The Internet also has allowed for the emergence of a new way to “act straight.”

In a country where the pressure to get married is strong and starts early, it has long been common for gays to marry straight spouses. Now, some are finding what they consider a better alternative. Known as “cooperative marriages,” or hunzuo hunyin, gay men and lesbian women are increasingly marrying each other—often aided by the Internet. (Such marriages are also known as “fake marriage” [jia jiehun] or “ritual marriage” [xingshi hunyin].)

Xiaojiong, in fact, was one of the first to create an online forum for gay men and lesbian women to find such marriage partners. At the time, her motivation was to find herself a husband. “I was already 25 and my parents were pressuring me, non-stop, to get married,” she says of why she began her venture in 2007. “I couldn't find a website for cooperative marriages so I started my own.”

Those who join her forum need to answer the following questions to set up their profiles: “Do you want to live with your spouse or live apart? Do you want to have children or not? Do you want to get a marriage certificate or just have the ceremony? Do you want to get divorced?”

“When gay men and lesbian women marry each other, they can agree on the terms of marriage so they could keep living how they want to,” Xiaojiong says. “It's not fair for straight people to get stuck in marriages with miserable gay people.”

The site is popular and Xiaojiong organizes regional meetups for members to share experiences and support each other. It was at one of those gatherings that Xiaojiong met her girlfriend.  Xiaojiong is a “T” (tomboy), and her girlfriend Xiaopu is a “P” (feminine-style). They live in a large apartment they share with another lesbian couple.

“We're such a happy family. Two 'T's', two 'P's', two dogs and two cats!” says Xiaopu.

And their family is growing bigger. When they moved in together three years ago, all four women were in search of gay husbands. Last autumn, they each found a man and got married—within weeks of one other—each throwing a lavish wedding that successfully deceived their families, friends, and co-workers. The women continue to live together as before, occasionally attending family gatherings with their spouses.

Brian, a 34-year-old engineer in Beijing who prefers not to use his real name, feels lucky to have a healthy relationship with his lesbian wife and to have found her online in only a few months when it can take others years to find the right match. “She's really independent,” he says. “We have similar career goals and agreed to live separately and share family expenses equally.”

Since the birth of their son last month, however, Brian admits they will face some difficult decisions and challenges. “The boy is living with my wife's parents now, but if we're going to raise him as a family, we will live together and need to discuss how to split the responsibilities. We're also starting to talk about what to tell our son when he gets older.”