When the beauty of the female form is captured and, perhaps enhanced, on canvas it is indeed a true glory to behold.

Of course there are sexual overtones, but a tasteful painting of ''the nude'' is in stark contrast to the heaving, sweating bodies of actors and actresses feigning various acts of depraved sexual activity.

I don't really object to these things going on, but I want in on them.

Ah, but you don't know that as you've never seen a bullfrog with wings hopping, therefore your assumption cannot be described as an indisputable and absolute truth.

Just in the same way if I said you could shit coal-bricks if your arsehole was square, wouldn't necessarily be true either as I've never observed you having a shit, thank God.

You know you are alive therefore it would be true to say, at the time of ''going to press'', you are a living creature.

As the French philosopher Rene' Descartes said;- Cogito Ergo Sum, translated means ''I think, therefore I am''.

Or my version, I think therefore I am, I think.

Spot the paradox. ''There is no such thing as an absolute truth''.

If that were so then the statement itself would be an absolute truth and therefore self contradictory.

I didn't read it either because it's an oxymoron.

The title is a self confessed contradiction in terms, so why bother to read it?

A truth, scientific or otherwise, is a truth and cannot by definition be a falsehood.

An alleged truth or a perceived truth is not a truth, and that's the truth.

I wonder if she would take a bad price for her coat?

I think she may have appropriated that garment from the props of ''Joseph and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat''.

We can tell that she doesn't want to noticed and is playing a low profile by wearing her 'quiet coat'.

Good old Hillary, just a subtle as a kick in the balls.

Yeah, let's fight to maintain the true American traditions.

1) Cops eat doughnuts and shoot people.

2) Democrats ruin the economy and the Republicans sort out their fiscal mess.

3) Blacks wreck the place.

4) Official American foreign policy;- Bomb the bastards.

Oh dear, that's awkward for me.

You see I'm a real dirty rotten scoundrel, and there I go calling myself names.

Well, I suppose you gotta do what a censor's gotta do.

Maybe they're all one of the same.

Alien the God, Alien the Son and Alien the Holy Ghost, and of course all the Alien Angles.

Now there's an epic blockbuster for you, pity Charlton Heston wasn't around to act in the starring role.

It's currently with the Public Prosecutor's Department.

However, as I don't like to brag nor vainly demonstrate my notoriety I must decline your request.

You have now been officially removed from my enemy list and joined up with the rest of my enemies floating around helplessly in cyberspace.

I have no allies, no hostiles nor any enemies. Surely someone must hate me, I mean, I'm a real 1st class dirty, double dealing, lowdown scoundrel, and I have a certificate to prove it.

Well, don't knock being classified as an enemy, Jesus said, 'Love thine enemies, he didn't say anything about friends.

I'll give that a shot and see what happens.