You Know You've Joined one of Obama's new HMO's When...
Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.
Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."
Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
"The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them.
And the Number 1 Sign. . .
The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start in on you!
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree, and we think 25 to life would be appropriate. -Jay Leno
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. -Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. -Conan O'Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser. -Jay Leno
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. -David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America! -Jimmy Fallon
Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers. -Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. -David Letterman
A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA (about 2 years ago) we grabbed a person
with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole country is looking for work !!!!!!"